Plumber Jokes

Famous Plumbing Quotes


“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”
- Rodney Dangerfield


“If I had my life to live over again, I’d be a plumber.”
- Albert Einstein


“Let’s say I was a plumber, or I worked at a factory, I would download music, you feel what I’m saying?”
- Obie Trice


“Television is like the invention of indoor plumbing. It didn’t change people’s habits. It just kept them inside the house.”
- Alfred Hitchcock


“Had I been more responsible I might have made something of myself as a junk bond trader, long-haul trucker or perhaps a plumbing contractor.”
- Brock Yates


“Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.”
- Woody Allen


“If I waited for inspiration every time I sat down to write a song I probably would be a plumber today.”
- Barry Mann


“A plumber is an adventurer who traces leaky pipes to their source.”
- Arthur Baer


“Every actor is somewhat mad, or else he’d be a plumber or a bookkeeper or a salesman.”
- Bela Lugosi


“Anybody who has any doubt about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one.”
- George Meany


“Television is like the invention of indoor plumbing. It didn’t change people’s habits. It just kept them inside the house.”
- Alfred Hitchcock


“Modern cynics and skeptics… see no harm in paying those to whom they entrust the minds of their children a smaller wage than is paid to those to whom they entrust the care of their plumbing.”
- John F. Kennedy


“The process of competitively selecting contractors to perform work is based on a system of rewards and penalties, all distributed randomly.”
- Norman R. Augustine


Did you hear that someone broke into our local police station and stole the toilet?
Right now the cops have nothing to go on.....


A local doctor called us out in the middle of the night because one of his toilets was blocked.
He insisted that it was urgent and that we attend immediately. Upon arrival we lifted the toilet lid, threw in two aspirins, and said 'If it's still there in the morning, give us another ring.


Plumbing is the only profession where you'll hear your boss say, "Be sure your 'joints' have lots of 'Dope' in them!"


A proud father was showing a fellow worker a picture of his five grown sons. His friend asked what they did for a living. The father said the older two are doctors and the youngest two are lawyers. The friend asked about the middle son and the father said, "Oh, he's a plumber. Someone had to pay for all the others' educations."


A good flush beats a full house every time.

 


 

A plumber is the only guy I know who can take a leak....
....and fix it also!

 


 

In what way is a Doctor and Plumber alike?

They both bury their mistakes.

 


 

There just happened to be a lawyer convention and a plumber convention in Oregon at the same time. There was a party of three plumbers and three lawyers leaving California and taking the train to the conventions. As they were standing in line for tickets, the lawyers noticed that the plumbers only bought one ticket. The lawyers bought their three tickets and boarded the train but watched the plumbers to see how they were going to get by with only one ticket.

After boarding, the three plumbers squeezed into a restroom. Finally the porter came by and knocked on the door as he said, "Ticket please". The door cracked open and an arm reached out and gave the porter the ticket.

After the conventions, the lawyers decided to do the same thing so they only purchased one ticket. However they noticed the plumbers didn't purchase any tickets at all. They weren't too concerned though because -hey- they were saving some bucks right? Well, they all boarded the train and the lawyers packed into a tiny restroom. After a few minutes, one of the plumbers came by and knocked on the door saying, "Ticket please."


 

I once worked with a plumber in New York City that said, 'Every time you flush your toilet you're putting food in my family's mouth'.


 

There was a story of a plumber being called to a doctor's home to do some work. After working for about an hour, the plumber gave the M.D. a bill for $200. The doctor said, "Good Gracious Man! I have been to medical school and residency and have been practicing medicine for over 20 years and I can't charge that kind of money!" The plumber smiled and said, "Yeah, I couldn't either when I was in practice."


 

What's the difference between a doctor and a plumber?
A doctor washes his hands AFTER he has gone potty, but a plumber washes his hands BEFORE he goes potty. 


 

 A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at the neurosurgeon's house. After a two-minute job the plumber demanded $150. The neurosurgeon exclaimed, 'I don't charge this amount even though I am a surgeon."  The plumber replied, "I agree, you are right. I too, didn't either, when I was a surgeon. That's why I switched to plumbing!"


 

A good flush beats a full house every time!


 I bet you have never seen a plumber bite his nails.

 


 A doctor has some trouble with the kitchen sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told that it's his day off.

"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated." So, the plumber relents.

The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying, "Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, call me tomorrow."

 


A plumber was called to woman's apartment in New York City to repair a leaking pipe. When he arrived he was pleased to discover that the woman was quite a luscious, well-stacked dish.

During the course of the afternoon, the two became extremely friendly. About 6:30 p.m. the phone rang, disturbing the bedroom shenanigans.

 "That was my husband," she said, putting down the phone. "He's on his way home, but is going back to the office around 8 p.m.. Come back then, dear, and we can take up where we left off."

The union plumber looked at the woman in disbelief. "What? On my own time?"


 

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